Turning 40 in Ten Easy Steps

Step 1: Wake up at 5:30am to a 4 year old staring at you with an expectant "Happy Birthday, Mommy!".

Step 2: Decide right off the rip that you're going to be late for work. (Disregard that you're late everyday... because today you're planning to be late. Don't forget to call in.)

Step 3: Put on a skirt (if you're a woman or Scottish only). Because you're the Birthday Girl and you're supposed to wear a dress on your birthday.

Step 4: Now that you're wearing a dress, take note that no one else remembered to put out the trash... again. And since you're leaving last (see Step 2), it's up to you to drag two weeks worth of trash to the curb in heels, a skirt, and -5 degree wind chill.

Step 5: Finally make it to work an hour late. Be served carrot cake in the office, white butter cake at your lunch meeting, and chocolate cake at a subsequent meeting. (The last two cakes were to celebrate International GIS Day, not the aging process.)

Step 6: Be serenaded twice at work and once over the phone by your mother.

Step 7: Once back home, eat takeout steak and cheese sandwiches from the local saloon. Polish it off with, what else, more cake! This time it's chocolate ice cream cake.

Step 8: Open gifts and cards.

Step 9: Play two rounds of Hullabaloo with the family. This game is obviously rigged by someone who doesn't pamper to Birthday Girls. So if you're a sore loser, you may want to bypass this step.

Step 10: Realize that no matter what folks say about turning 40, you are who you are whether you're 39, or 40, or whatever. Life's too short to worry about little numbers.